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Joke Of The Day..

^^^^^^^^^^

oHHH that's so WRONG!! LOL
 
Blind man walks into a fish market and says Hello ladys.......
 
LMAO!!! I never laughed so hard at a simple ass joke!!! :rotf:!!!!
 
willow210 said:
Blind man walks into a fish market and says Hello ladys.......
Click to expand...

Hmmm...you can put that in reverse:

"Blind man walks into a feminist rally and says hello fishies......."

meh...not as good as yours.
 
A vampire walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "give me a cup of boiling water". Bartender looks with confusion, and asks, "you are a Vampire, you drink blood, so why are you ordering boiling water"? The Vampire pulls out a bloody tampon and says "I'm having Hot tea tonight" :booya:
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Math At A Catholic School

Until a child tells you what they are thinking, we can't even begin to imagine how their mind is working....
Little Zachary was doing very badly in math.
His parents had tried everything...tutors, mentors,
flash cards, special learning centers.
In short, everything they could think of to help his math.


Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him In the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.
Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.



To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.
This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card.. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, His Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an 'A' in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.. She went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?' Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.. 'Well, then,' she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?'



Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.'
 
:rotf::no::rotf::no::rotf: oh shit. you going to hell for that one.... lol



NatillaLiz said:
Math At A Catholic School

Until a child tells you what they are thinking, we can't even begin to imagine how their mind is working....
Little Zachary was doing very badly in math.
His parents had tried everything...tutors, mentors,
flash cards, special learning centers.
In short, everything they could think of to help his math.


Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him In the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.
Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.



To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.
This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card.. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, His Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an 'A' in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.. She went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?' Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.. 'Well, then,' she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?'



Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.'
Click to expand...
 
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
'No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:
ID10T

I used to like Eric, the little bastard
 
NatillaLiz said:
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
'No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:
ID10T

I used to like Eric, the little bastard
Click to expand...

And don't forget the ol PEBKAC error.
 
salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door.

A twelve year-old boy who has a cigar in one hand,a glass of bourbon in the other and a Hustler magazine tucked under his arm opens the door.

The salesman says, "Hello,sonny,is your mom or dad home?"
The little boy says,"What the hell do you think?!"
 
Little Johnny had a terrible habit of betting other students, and the teacher had about enough of it. One day, she caught him whispering to the kid in front of him, and made him come to the front of the class and say it out loud to all. He admitted that he had bet the other kid $5 that the teacher's panties had holes in them! All the kids screamed with laughter! The teacher decided that this would be a good object lesson to prove Johnny wrong, so she took him down to the teacher's lounge, hiked her dress, pulled off her panties, and gave them to Johnny to examine thoroughly. He hung his head in shame, and admitted that he was wrong, so the teacher sent him back to class. She then called his father to give him the news about how she thought she had broken Johnny from betting. When she relayed the story, Johnny's father exclaimed "Why that little SOB! He bet me $20 this morning before school that he'd see your ass before the day was out!"
 
A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME &
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened
the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no
arms or legs.

The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?
Just look at you...you have no legs!

The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'

She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'

Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,

'Rang the doorbell didn't I?'
 
This guy goes to a super market and goes to isle 12 and asks for a box of condoms.

The lady askes "what size" and the guy says "I don't know" so the lady askes him to pull down his pants.

The lady tugs a few times and says "you need a box of x-large condoms".

So this guy hears behind him and he asks for a box of condom's, and the lady says "what size" and the guy says I don't know.

So the lady asks him to pull down his pants.

The lady tugs a few time and says "get a box of medium condoms"

So this teenager in isle 11 hears and wants some of the action.

So he goes to isle 12 and asks "can I have a box of condoms"

The lady asks "what size" and the teenage says "I don't know"

So the lady asks him to pull down his pants .

When he does, the lady tugs a few times, stands up and announces "Clean up in isle 12"
 
A husband says to his wife,

"What would you do if I won the Lotto?"


She says,

"I'd take half then leave you."


"Excellent," he replies,

"I won 12 bucks, here's $6 - now Fuck off!":booya:
 
The Vanilla pudding Robbery

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight , their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.

The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding.

As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, 'At least we'll have a bit to eat.'

The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding.. The process continued until all safes were opened.

They did not find one dollar, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered little bowls of pudding.


Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read:




LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING'....
 
For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it.'

The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, 'Son, where are you going?' Little Joseph told him; 'I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out.

Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.
And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself . with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike!:rotf:
 
What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?

* A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time."
* A Southern fairytale begins "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."
 
Sick A&& Joke

A man gets a call from the hospital that he has to come down right away because his wife was in a terrible accident.

He runs into the hospital and asks where his wife is. The nurse tells him that he has to speak with the doctor first. He walks into the doctors office and the doctor tells him he better sit down. The doctor tells him it was a very bad accident and his wife is paralyzed from the neck down. The man starts sobbing and keeps asking why this had to happen.

The doctor then explains that the man is going to have to spoon feed his wife. The man starts crying and asking god why did this have to happen. The doctor then tells the man that his wife will be just like a newborn baby and and will need diaper changes. The man puts his head down to his knees and keeps repeating why did this have to happen. The doctor then continues to tell the man that his wife would develop bed sores and she would need turned every 3 hours. The man continues to cry and sob until the doctor slaps him on the back and says

Hey i'm just F$ck'in with, she died.:xno::xno::xno:
 
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