-> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
> we
> were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No,"
> she
> answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even
look
> at
> me this time, simply saying "Yes."
>
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
> And that's when the fight started....
>
>
************************************************************************
> I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
> It
> warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
> "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I
> suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
>
> And that's when the fight started....
>
>
************************************************************************
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
> grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
> boat
> up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a
> torrential downpour.
>
> The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage,
> turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all
> day. I
> went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed.
> I
> cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
> whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
>
> My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid
> husband is out fishing in that?'
> And then the fight started ...
>
>
************************************************************************
> A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
> Suddenly,
> at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
> The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the
> man
> 'Holy cow. That must be my husband!' So the man jumped out of the bed;
> scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the
> ground,
> ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
>
> A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and
> screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled back,
> 'Yeah,
> then why were you running?'
> And then the fight started.....
>
>
************************************************************************
> I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for
> $14.95.
> Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her
> the
> beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
>
> And then the fight started....
>
>
************************************************************************
> A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I
> feel
> horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me
> a
> compliment.'
>
> The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's dang near perfect.'
>
> And then the fight started.....
>
>
>
************************************************************************
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason,
> took my
> order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
> He
> said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for
> herself."
>
> And then the fight started...
>
>
>
************************************************************************
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,
> and
> I
> kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat
> alone
> at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
>
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took
> to
> drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I
> hear
> she
> hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' said my wife, 'who would
> think
> a person could go on celebrating that long?'
>
> And then the fight started...
>
>
************************************************************************
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
> for
> Social
> Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
> license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left
> my
> wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
> have to
> go home and come back later.
>
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt
> revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your
> chest
> is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security
> application.
>
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at
> the
> Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your
> pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
>
> And then the fight started....
>
>
************************************************************************
> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her
> someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
> And then the fight started...
>
>
************************************************************************
> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
> anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to
150
> in
> about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale.
>
> And then the fight started....
>
>
************************************************************************
> My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
> channels.
> She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'
>
> And then the fight started...
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*