• Welcome (Back) To DaUnknownAdmin.Com I've been able to restore the databases for WhatChaMissin.Com, Freestyle.FM and other sites. You should be able to log in using your old login information. If you have forgotten it, you can reset your password. You can also use the facebook app to log in. Be sure to drop by our Roll Call Thread

    If I helped you to log in by resetting your password, be sure to change the password at https://daunknownadmin.com/forums/index.php?account/security

Joke Of The Day..

#41
When I first read this I was in tears. And I NEVER laugh that hard. I think this is from Craig's list......

****Sorry, I don't have anything to post about layoffs or politics, but I DO have another story from the Public Bathroom. Enjoy.

You are my arch nemisis. I see you wandering around as I go about my IT Computer Nerd business: Tall. Middle Eastern. Pot Belly. We catch each others eye every now and then and give each other a slight nod. I know you, I know what you do and I am on to your games.

I saw you this morning, we made eye contact. You nodded and took another bite of whatever Death-Ass producing garbage you fuel up on that makes the bathroom, smell like the inside of a dead monkey's colon, and nodded at me. I got you this time, fucker.

I give you my icey grin and nod back, then hurry back to my office. It's almost noon, and that's the time you like to run to the toilet and preform your daily ASS JIHAD on all the people just trying to wash their hands. Maybe in your country there is no commen sense that would tell you that lunch time = hand wash time. People want to get clean and eat, not be fumigated with the high octane liquid shit attack you subjigate them too.

But I got you this time. Yeah fucker I GOT SOMETHING COOKING UP FOR YOU! Two egg sandwiches with cheese. Greasy sausage patties. A couple glasses of Tang. Some leftover Chinese food. A Twix. Root Beer Soda. Some steamed brocoli I had in the fridge. A Hot Pocket with peperonni and cheese. A Chocolate Poptart. And like a cherry on top ... a McDonald's Quaterpounder with cheese.

I never eat this shit, it's all greasy and fucking nasty, but today is the day I fight back. I go out for a quick mile jog and almsot die. My stomach feels like there are two midgets fighting to the death inside there. I walk back to work, ass clenched tighter than a virgin's thighs at Church.

Great. The hot chick from next door wants to chat. She assumes the sweat on my face and arms is from running. She doesn't realize that it's a cold sweat induced by my severe sphicter trauma. She finally shuts up and I stagger to the Death Ass Arena.

You are there already in your favorite stall: The one right next to the fucking sinks. You stupid, socially retarded fuck. Fine. You have yet to begin your daily purge of Middle Eastern Ass Stew. I enter the stall next to you and drop my pants in preperation of the upcomming battle.

Your opening slavo is fired: A sloppy wet fart with a solid-shot closer. I laugh and show you the power of Advanced American Foodstuffs.

The tuba fart I unleash echos off the walls and shrinks my waistline about an inch. The guy at the urinal laughs as I slap the wall between you and I and say "Back to YOU, Kajid!". You are silent, I assume you know who I am and that the time has come for us to battle. I know you are summoning your intestinal fortitude for full out war.

You do not dissapoint me.

With a hissing "SSSShhhhhzzzzzzzzz!" you squirt out a deadly spray of ass juice that pollutes the air and makes my head swim. The pisser at the urinal is no longer laughing, he quickly zips up and runs for the door. He did not stop to wash his hands, instead opting to head for the hills. I cover my mouth and nose with my shirt and the black spots dissapear from my vision. My head clears. I am ready.

"AAaaaaaaaRRRRRGGGHHH!" I yell, as I drop Big Tim. That's short for "Big Timber" ... AKA "Mississippi Butt Log".

Quick-fire farts stutter out of my ass, as I push the monster log from the Shit Dimension into our reality. The beefy, yeasty stench easily overpowers the Indian Ass Gutter oder of your previous attack. Mega Turd hits the water in the bowl with a mighty splash, the reek is that of a dead whale slowly ripening in the hot, tropical sun. I catch my breath and wipe my brow, and start to pat myself on the back. I should have known the battle was not over.

The only thing I can think of is that you must has completly unzipped your ass to your elbow. That's the only way I could begin to explain the lumpy, creamy splashs falling out of your ass into the toilet. It sounds like you are pouring a gallon of strawberry shake with whole strawberries in it into the shitter. I see the hairs on my arms start to curl from the horrid stench wafting up from under your stall. I shudder and sway on my throne, unsure if I will survive.

I have no choice. I must employ the Deal Breaker. I hunker down and clench my hands together. My fingers twitch and entwine like a nest of snakes, almost like I am running through a series of ancient Ninja Hand Symbols. My feet lift up onto the toes and my legs start to shake.

"You want to play??" I growls. A low moaning comes from my stomach, like a dinosaur calling into a swampy, foggy night. "YOU GOT IT! AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Like Cloud summoning The Knights of the Round in Final Fantasy 7, I summon the Excalibur of Turd Demons to destroy my enemy. Hot magma-like shit rockets out of my ass, releasing a noxious, sticky cloud of deadly recal perfume. I hear you gag and see your feet shuffle around, but you can't get away, can you? No. You can't.

Veins throb on my neck and temples as the turd monster tears itself from my bowels. My lips skin back from my now clenched teeth and I try not to scream. Your roll of toilet paper rolls into my stall. You must have torn it from the wall with numb fingers in an attempt to "Wipe and Scoot". Too late. MUCH too late!

Oders pound you with merciless fists: Rotten Fruitcake stuffed with boiled chicken assholes. Hammered shit-logs served on a bed of week old white rice. Rosie O'Donnel's racid crotch farts. The smell of your mom's dank, hairy Middle Eastern armpits.

Your stall door bangs open and you stagger out. You take three unsteady steps to the door and can barely open it wide enough to slip out. I laugh at you before you leave. "Yeah! RUN, Fucker!" I yell, and laugh again. You say nothing.

It's all over except for the clean up. Fuck with me again, you shit filled Anal Terrorist. Me and my ass will be waiting.*****
 

liz75217

BEAUTIFUL DISASTER
#42
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. Your Volvo needs rings.
6. And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
roflmao!!! omg!!
 

NatillaLiz

Mrs. Garcia
Freestyle Nation
FreestyleMania.com
ClubFreestyle.Com
NHBFreestyle.Com
FreestyleRemix.Com
NYFreestyle.Com
MaximumFreestyle.Com
LatinFreestyle.Com
#43
:eek::eek::eek:
:rotf::rotf::rotf::rotf::rotf::rotf::rotf::rotf:

I have never tried to hold my laughter so badly!! LOL
Ohh man! I'm crying here! LOL
Nothing tops that!!
:bowdown::bowdown::bowdown:
My respects BadMoFo!!
 
#45
my turn

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
''But how will I let you know the baby is born?'' she asked. He replied, ''Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses.''

Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, ''Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means.''

The doctor said, ''Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.'' Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read, ''Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.'''
 

NatillaLiz

Mrs. Garcia
Freestyle Nation
FreestyleMania.com
ClubFreestyle.Com
NHBFreestyle.Com
FreestyleRemix.Com
NYFreestyle.Com
MaximumFreestyle.Com
LatinFreestyle.Com
#46
^^^^^^
LMFAO!!!!
:rotf::rotf::rotf::rotf:
That's what he gets!!! LOL
 
#47
A kid asks his father for help on a writing assignment. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"

His father looks up thoughtfully and says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you've learned."

The kid is puzzled, but asks his mother. "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"

"Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would."

He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"

She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"

The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on $2 million bucks, but in reality, we're living with two sluts."
 
#48
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

"I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife," he tells the doctor, "when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and I noticed one of the cows had something white in its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball stuck right in the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, as I was standing there holding up the tail, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"
 
#49
After an intense high speed chase, an officer finally gets the lawbreaker to pull over.

"You know," says the cop, "I was originally pulling you over to tell you your taillight is out. Why the hell did you take off like that?"

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
 

powrpuff

Freakalicious Freestyler
DOFCH.COM
FreestyleMania.com
FreestyleRemix.Com
NYFreestyle.Com
MaximumFreestyle.Com
#50
A kid asks his father for help on a writing assignment. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"

His father looks up thoughtfully and says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you've learned."

The kid is puzzled, but asks his mother. "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"

"Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would."

He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"

She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"

The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on $2 million bucks, but in reality, we're living with two sluts."
:rotf::rotf::rotf::rotf::rotf:
 

chuckie

Freestyle.FM Dee Jays
Freestyle.FM Dee Jays
#51
The Lone Ranger's

Last Request​


The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured​
by an enemy Indian War Party.​


The Indian Chief proclaims,​
"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ..​


"In honor of the Harvest Festival,​
YOU will be executed in three days."​

"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"

"What is your FIRST request ???'

The Lone Ranger responds,​
"I'd like to speak to my horse."​
The Chief nods and Silver is brought​
before the Lone Ranger who whispers in​
Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with​
a beautiful blonde woman on his back.​
As the Indian Chief watches,​
the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent​
and spends the night.​

The next morning the Indian Chief admits​
he's impressed..
"You have a very fine and loyal horse",​
"But I will still kill you in two days."

"What is your SECOND request ???"


The Lone Ranger again asks to speak​
to his horse.​
Silver is brought to​
him,​
and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver takes off and disappears​
over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise,

Silver again returns, this time with a​
voluptuous brunette, more attractive​
than the blonde.​
She enters the Lone Rangers tent​
and spends the night.​

The following morning the Indian Chief​
is again impressed.​
"You are indeed a man of many talents,"​
"But I will still kill you tomorrow."​


"What is your LAST request ???"​


The Lone Ranger responds,

"I'd like to speak to my horse, .... alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees,​
and Silver is brought to​
the​
Lone Ranger's tent.​


Once they're alone,​
the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears,​
Looks him square in the eye and says,​


Listen Very Carefully !!!!​
FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...​

I SAID ...​
"BRING POSSE"
 
#52
Oldies but goodies:

A woman goes shoe-shopping one day. As the salesman is helping her try on shoes he notices she is not wearing panties. He looks at the woman and says, “Man, I’d love to fill that with ice cream and eat it!”

The woman slaps the man and runs home to tell her husband. The husband acts disinterested and his wife gets angry and asks, “Aren’t you going to do anything!?”

The husband replies, “First of all, you have too many shoes as it is. Second, you shouldn’t be out shopping without panties. And third of all, I’m not going to fuck with anybody who can eat that much ice cream!”
====================================================
A man with stomach pains goes to the hospital. The doctor tells him it’s constipation and that he’ll need to use suppositories. The man is instructed to drop his pants and bend over, whereupon the doc shoves the tablet up his behind.

“You’ll have to do the same thing every six hours for a week,” says the doctor.

Later that evening, the man is having difficulty inserting another suppository and decides to ask his wife for help. He tells her what to do, then drops his pants and bends over. She proceeds to put one hand on his shoulder and with the other shoves the suppository home.

“Damn!” screams the man.

“What’s the matter?” she asks. “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” he replies, “but I just realized that the doctor had both hands on my shoulders.”
 
#53
Sam Lefkovitz is having an intimate party to celebrate his thirty
immensely profitable years in the construction business.
"You know," he laments to his friends, "over the years I have
constructed dozens of enormous projects in and around this city, but
am I known as Sam the Builder? No.
And over the years I have contributed literally millions of
dollars to charitable causes of one sort or another, but am I called
Sam the Philanthropist? No sir!
But suck one little cock..."
 
#54
ok.k this is a lame one.

well you know that superman is fater then a speeding bullet. well one night he was flying around looking for bad guys but there was crimes being committed. so he kept flying around finding some thing to do, and from a distance he see's Wonder Woman in her apartment laying in her bed Butt naked with her legs wide open. Superman Thinking to him self ( since i'm fater then a speeding bullet i can fly in hit and split with out her knowing) So he flying in so fast it just looking like a breeze went through. Wonder Woman freaks out and says what the fuck was that and the invisible man says "i don't know but my ASS HURTS"........
 

powrpuff

Freakalicious Freestyler
DOFCH.COM
FreestyleMania.com
FreestyleRemix.Com
NYFreestyle.Com
MaximumFreestyle.Com
#55
ok.k this is a lame one.

well you know that superman is fater then a speeding bullet. well one night he was flying around looking for bad guys but there was crimes being committed. so he kept flying around finding some thing to do, and from a distance he see's Wonder Woman in her apartment laying in her bed Butt naked with her legs wide open. Superman Thinking to him self ( since i'm fater then a speeding bullet i can fly in hit and split with out her knowing) So he flying in so fast it just looking like a breeze went through. Wonder Woman freaks out and says what the fuck was that and the invisible man says "i don't know but my ASS HURTS"........
lmfaoooooooo

A man with stomach pains goes to the hospital. The doctor tells him it’s constipation and that he’ll need to use suppositories. The man is instructed to drop his pants and bend over, whereupon the doc shoves the tablet up his behind.

“You’ll have to do the same thing every six hours for a week,” says the doctor.

Later that evening, the man is having difficulty inserting another suppository and decides to ask his wife for help. He tells her what to do, then drops his pants and bends over. She proceeds to put one hand on his shoulder and with the other shoves the suppository home.

“Damn!” screams the man.

“What’s the matter?” she asks. “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” he replies, “but I just realized that the doctor had both hands on my shoulders.”



lmfaOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
 
#56
A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"
 
#57
A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, "If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life."
So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. "What's wrong," he asks.

"You gave me the wrong key!"
 
#58
A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed.
His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was fill the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left to a pole.

I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right to a pole too.

As soon as I finished milkin'' him again he knocked down the bucket with his with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt.

As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain!
 
#59
A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.

The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"

The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare...!
 

NatillaLiz

Mrs. Garcia
Freestyle Nation
FreestyleMania.com
ClubFreestyle.Com
NHBFreestyle.Com
FreestyleRemix.Com
NYFreestyle.Com
MaximumFreestyle.Com
LatinFreestyle.Com
#60
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
 
Top