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Joke Of The Day..

short and sweet

Q: Why did the Siamese twins move to England?
A: So the other one could drive.
 
Four religious truths

During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these
four religious truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
world.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.
 
Sh!t

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger lept toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."

The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."

The old explorer said, "No, not then -- just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''"
 
WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses; the results were pretty interesting:

30% of women think their ass is too fat............

10% of women think their ass is too skinny......

The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man and they wouldn't trade him for the world.
 
No pun(dit) intended!


1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table
was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too
much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra
class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got
a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll
still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and
was cited for littering.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on
a-head.'

11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

12. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'

13. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken
to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to
ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

14. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

15. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison
was a small medium, at large.

16. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper
spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a
taste of religion.

18. Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!
 
Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As they walked, they came across a sign:
Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world. I am entering! said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, Well, howd ya do?
First Place!, said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see another sign: Contest for the strongest man in the world.
I'm entering, says Superman.
After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, How did you make out?
First Place , answers Superman. Did you ever doubt?
They continue walking when they see another sign: Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?
Pinocchio enters. After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.
What happened? they asked.
Who the hell is Nancy Pelosi? asked Pinocchio
 
Does killing time damage eternity?

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world “up over”?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

How can there be self-help “groups”?

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make
foghorns out of?

If you shouldn’t drink and drive, why do bars have parking
lots?

If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?
 
For all you Webpage/site gurus':

Hey baby, wanna come over to MySpace and
Twitter my Yahoo 'til I Google all over your Facebook?
 
what do you call an all hispanic nascar team ?



Spick and Span......
 
Blonde joke

A Hispanic chick told her blonde girlfriend that she slept with a Brazilian. The blonde's response was, " OMG! You SLUT!! How much is a Brazilian!? " :rotf:

DJ Dee X-M:Dn
Marvel ComiX
 
A Hispanic chick told her blonde girlfriend that she slept with a Brazilian. The blonde's response was, " OMG! You SLUT!! How much is a Brazilian!? " :rotf:

DJ Dee X-M:Dn
Marvel ComiX

LOL you so silly X!

What do women do after sex?:

2% eat
3% smoke
4% take a shower
5% sleep
and the other 86% finish the job themselves :xmask:
 
What do you call an empty budwiser bottle with 15 bumble bees inside?

A Redneck Vibrator...
 
A naked blond walks into a bar, with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says: "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The naked lady says...........
 
No pun(dit) intended!


1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table
was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too
much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra
class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got
a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll
still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and
was cited for littering.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on
a-head.'

11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

12. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'

13. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken
to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to
ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

14. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

15. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison
was a small medium, at large.

16. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper
spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a
taste of religion.

18. Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!


number 9 is my favorite. i even have a shirt that says it
 
A three-year-old had been told several times to get ready for bed. The last time his mom told him, she was every insistent. His response was, "Yes, Sir!" Since he was talking to his mother (and she is a woman), it was not expected of him to call her "Sir".
"You would say, 'yes sir,' to a man, I ama lady, and you would say 'Yes Ma'am,' to a lady," Mom said. To quiz him on is lesson; she then asked him, "What would you say to Daddy?"
"Yes Sir!" was the reply
"Then what would you say to Mama?"
"Yes, Ma'am!" he proudly answered.
"Good boy! Now what would you say to Grandma?"
He lit up and said, "Can I have a cookie?"
 
Redneck Pick Up-Lines

1) Did you fart? Cuz you just blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea, I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card? Cuz I'd like to check you out.

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? Cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree and I were a Squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin gal here, but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) I know I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bedrock.

9) I can't find my puppy can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

10) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

11) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin', we kin sleep til afternoon.

And the best for last;

12)Your face reminds me of a wrench, lookin at you makes my nuts tighten up.
 
There is man at the park sitting on the
bench crying... Crying, someone
asked, why are you crying? He replied
i have just married this beautiful 30 year
old girl, she is wonderful, she cooks
delicious meals, she keeps the house very
clean, sex is great, the man asked: So
why are you crying? The elderly man answered: I forgot
where i live.
 
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